When Time Runs Out

Sketch of Lorraine deciding the path to follow when time is running out

** Weird Warning **

Letting you know upfront I have no idea where this post is going.

It’s been an odd week, but there’s something here.

Thoughts of writing about anything else are stopped cold.

As are considerations of not writing at all.

Even though time is running out to actually write a weekly Letter this week, I’m supposed to write.

What unfolds we’ll find out together.

 

Throughout the week as our cat’s health declined, thoughts returned to a moment well into my mom’s journey with cancer.

She was upset.

Her world had shrunk to be the main floor of the house, and mostly the family room couch at that.

After months of dealing with the ups and downs of each crisis, we had finally settled into our new normal.

Only as she watched the rest of us come and go about our day, she felt frozen in time.

She saw us moving on with life while she was left behind, waiting for her path to reach an end.

 

Shocked to learn how she felt, it made perfect sense.

While we saw ourselves coping, we were blind to how we were continuing on.

Tests and homework needed to be done, work responsibilities wouldn’t wait, grandkids had nursery school, cats had vet appointments, and so on.

After a heartfelt and honest conversation, we paid greater attention to involving her in ways that she could.

 

Many times during the week I wondered if the cat felt frozen in time.

He would come to the kitchen as usual during meal time but wasn’t interested in eating.

The others needed to be fed and they definitely weren’t changing their routines.

His once favourite nightly scratch time continued even though he no longer came for his share.

Same for morning wake up snuggles where he was the one to wake me up, but he stopped coming a few weeks ago.

(His late afternoon lap time became even more treasured as did the extra loving that annoyed him.)

 

So maybe my running out of time this week was the point to be explored more closely.

There’s running out of time, and then there’s running. out. of. time.

Life goes on either way, so that is not the point to focus on.

Where, what, how and with who is.

We can use time to create special moments or to keep us from them.

Time taken to step back and decide what kind of time we want to spend may very well be the most important time of all.

 

What have you observed about your own experiences of running out of time?

 

** End of Weird Warning **

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming (hopefully)

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Lorraine

Not quite a crazy cat lady (yet?) – Lorraine’s insatiable curiosity of life leads her to explore, question and push beyond the box. A self-professed “left-brained creative big picture idea” type, she has an intuitive knack for seeing possibility everywhere and in everyone, and is a moth-to-flame for being part of making that possibility come true.

4 Comments

  1. Debbie Daughetee on April 29, 2018 at 3:33 pm

    HI Lorraine. This post really resonated with me. When I was waiting for my lung transplant, my world shrank like your mom’s. I didn’t have the energy to do anything, but like had to go on for everyone else. I was very aware of what I was missing. And I was very distressed that I couldn’t even write anymore. Basically, all I could do was watch Murder, She Wrote on television. When they talked about the risks of the transplant, I didn’t care. I felt that death was not the worst thing that could happen to me. Continuing to decline and have my world shrink even smaller was my greatest nightmare. Now it’s been almost a year since my double-lung transplant. And even with all the ups and downs, my life is so much better than it was. In the past week and a half, I went to Las Vegas, had a two-day sewing day with my sister at her house, and went to Disneyland. Oh yeah, and then I went to see the Avengers movie. No more wasting time. I need to get as much in as I can because you never know what might happen when. I’ve even talked my husband into retiring early so we can do the travel we plan on doing. I want to make the most of my second chance. So thank you for this post. It really touched me. And I wish the best for your kittie for his transition and hope you are at peace when he goes.

    • Lorraine on April 30, 2018 at 11:10 am

      Wow Debbie – what a difference a year makes. So very pleased you are shining brightly now, enjoying both the simple pleasures taken for granted along with the bigger moments we tend to put off until “someday.”

      I so appreciate sharing your thoughts and experience while waiting for your transplant. My very visceral reaction further impresses upon me the importance of finding ways to ensure no one is left behind. We are in this together.

  2. Jordan Mikena on May 14, 2018 at 11:31 am

    Very powerful post, Lorraine. It spoke to me, also. You put into words what it feels like to watch the world go on as our own, internally winds down. I’m not dying, but I’m also not fully living either. Brilliantly stated.

    Also, I’m so sorry for your loss. I am assuming that this time has come for your cat based on your most recent post about Hugh. I know this pain and often it all but defies words. My very best to you and your family in processing the transition of your loved animal companion, and in transitioning into this “new” way of Being a family. Love to you all.

    • Lorraine on May 14, 2018 at 7:14 pm

      Thank you Jordan. The time in between is odd and yet can offer the most unique perspectives of clarity not typically accessible otherwise.

      Hugh’s BFF did pass peacefully. He left this world as he lived it – laid back, gentle and wise. The house has been very quiet since. We’re all adjusting to his presence that is here in a different way. Hugh was calling out for him again on the weekend. Dearly missed and never forgotten.

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