Earlier this week I was freaking out.
By that I mean –
TOTALLY. FREAKING. OUT.
In two weeks I’m giving an SEO presentation for an audience of techie WordPress aficionados.
What the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks did I get myself into?
More to the point – HOW did I get myself into this?
Because this is not my fault.
That’s right, not my idea.
At the end of February, someone asked if I was comfortable with public speaking.
I was a Teacher’s Assistant in university.
In another life, I MC’ed the department’s corporate Christmas party. (Wine may have been involved.)
Give me a topic I have something to say about and I can yak with the best of them.
“Great,” came back the response, because a great way to connect with people about SEO is to give presentations.
Conceptually that sounds like a good idea.
Forever might happen before something appeared.
Not too many weeks later, a request for speakers appeared.
Time to put up or shut up.
I wavered and waffled for the good part of a week before sending a question to the organizers.
Sure, a tiny step forward, but one leaving lots of wiggle room to not commit.
The email exchanges went well and the organizers seemed like a good group of people.
That didn’t help my cause.
Much as I tried to busy myself with other things, the darn speaker request kept poking at me.
Finally, to get some sort of peace, I submitted my proposal.
Weeks passed by and I heard nothing.
Okay, this can work.
They found other speakers.
Will have to attend the 2-day conference to check them out.
Then an email appears.
My proposal has been accepted.
Am I still available to present it?
Technically yes, but now I have to decide all over again to say yes and not back out.
In a moment when Negative Nellie was off on a lunch break, I fired off a reply with yes.
What did this introvert getting herself into??!!
Earlier this week, an email arrived with the speaker details.
This. is. really. happening.
Everything I know flew out the window along with my confidence.
Doubt blanketed everything I’ve said and piece of advice I’ve given.
I began asking questions of the experts about the right way to do things.
If I’m a nervous wreck now, what’s going to happen in a couple of weeks?
Oh boy. This could turn into a big, hot mess.
Best review past postings with advice and make necessary corrections.
Hey, wait a minute.
What I said was okay.
No need to make corrections.
Huge. sigh. of. relief.
The panic started to subside and acceptance filled the space.
Can’t say I’ve reached excitement yet.
That will come after I’m done and done.
If the idea in my head can get translated in PowerPoint, the presentation should actually be pretty good.
Okay, this is starting to feel not so bad.
Maybe there is an iota of calm to hang onto.
It’s probably a good thing I have four things on the go in the next two weeks.
No time to think.
Head down and get ‘er done.
Focus. Focus. Focus.
Now I have to laugh because this pattern is quite familiar.
A seed is planted as a heads up of what’s coming.
Not much stock is put into what’s coming will actually happen.
What’s coming arrives.
I’m not ready, but I know that doesn’t matter a whole lot.
Play along while trying to control how fast this is all going to happen.
Get poked and prodded ceaselessly with increasing intensity because this. is. going. to. happen.
Throw a tantrum, freak out, or both.
Give in and get out of my own way.
Be grateful for what came and all things incredible that opened up from what I couldn’t have imagined.
“We rarely feel ready for what shows up,
and far more than ready for what doesn’t.”
Do you recognize a familiar pattern for yourself when being nudged, poked or prodded into something new?
PS: I plan to record a version of the SEO presentation afterwards using Zoom. If you’d like to be part of that recording live or see the final recording, please .
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