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Waiting Through The In Between

Some days I feel like a baby bird being pushed out of the nest.

At least my comfort zone.

Thanks Universe.

 

In the past three weeks I’ve driven in the dark more times than likely the past five years.

All day trips to the city and lengthy errand runs into town are at an all time high for such a short period of time.

Yet I’m not grumbling.

At least not badly.

 

It is what it is.

Do what needs to done.

Suck it up, princess.

 

Desensitization forces for anti-hermit living are in full swing.

 

I fully recognize this as a heads up of what is to come.

Preparation in progress.

For exactly what remains to be seen.

The only thing to do is hurry up and wait.

And forget about it for now.

 

Forcing The Unknown To Be Known

 

Letting go is the only way to have some iota of control sanity.

Get out of my own way.

This too I’ve learned – the hard way.

Because I’m brilliantly skilled at screwing things up by trying to make them happen before their time.

The more that’s out of my control, the less I can.

So stop trying.

There’s a better way to get through this in between time.

 

Pay attention.

Listen.

Be present to what’s here now.

Put in place what you can and exude resiliency to manage the rest.

Stop. pushing. rope.

 

Forcing the unknown to be known only makes it what you know.

Leaning in hard to control what’s out of your control is pure struggle.

Being hell bent on a particular result is blinding.

 

Sometimes you just have to recognize you’ve done all you can do.

Let go.

And stop running interference for the greater something else that is working on far grander scales on your behalf.

You’ll know when you know.

 

In the spirit of forgetting for now and getting out of the way, what’s for supper?

 

 

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Lorraine Watson - on rustic porch

chief nudging officer

Lorraine

Crazy for cats and potatoes, Lorraine's insatiable curiosity of Life leads her to question, explore and push beyond the box. A self-professed "left-brained creative big picture" type, she has an intuitive knack for seeing beyond and beneath first appearances while at the same time nerding out on the details. Most of all she sees and holds others in their highest until they can see it for themselves.

6 Comments

  1. Carrie Ann Lahain on December 15, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    Once again your letter hit me between the eyes. In general, I am what I consider “proactive.” This sounds like a positive trait, but more often it hides my secret identity as a micromanaging maniac. The number of times I’ve tried to get ahead of an issue and thereby caused all sorts of trouble for myself are countless. I’ve had to accept that the rest of the world doesn’t necessarily work at my pace…much less AHEAD of my pace. This point has been driven home again and again since I lost Mike back in November. Me being Me, I wrote up a must-do list for his cremation, memorial, the nuts and bolts of closing down his life and shifting what’s left into my own control. And I made a lot of headway, especially considering that he died only days after we settled our 2016 health coverage. The nightmare that ensued re-doing that and dealing with the last two months of 2015 health coverage overshadowed those first couple of weeks after his loss and, frankly, I still don’t know if it’s all squared away. Yet beyond the administrative issues…I seemed to get the idea that I can proactively deal with grief AND carve out the basics of new life alone after spending 31 years as part of a couple.

    Well it’s not that simple. Grief refuses to work in a linear manner. And my daily life isn’t resolving much at all. It seems simple enough–create a schedule and stick to it. After all, I had a full and well-organized work life throughout Mike’s illness. Surely, without the medical nonsense and caregiver duties, getting back into the work groove should be a snap? Maybe. If my brain didn’t feel like it was fogged in.

    There is no way to circumvent the murky path ahead of me. A pity since I can’t see even a foot into mists. I can only proceed a step at a time, working through the sadness, anxiety and confusion as it arises.

    • Lorraine on December 17, 2015 at 8:00 pm

      I am so grateful for you sharing your experiences. Grief is the great shit disturber of best laid plans and a crash course in one step at time. There is no right, wrong or the way through, just a way, forcing us to pay attention to what’s here now and chipping away at what we thought was control. It’s only when another experience gives us a chance to look back do we get to see the changes in ourselves and how we make our way through the world.

  2. Katherine on December 15, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    Your post this week was particularly timely for me. I woke up at 2am this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep thinking about of the things I can’t seem to get going. Thank you it helps to know I’m not the only one who gets cranky about this.

    • Lorraine on December 17, 2015 at 7:36 pm

      I was too familiar with 4:00am in the end of November into early December. Know what you mean about cranky. Sometimes those things that don’t get going aren’t quite right or not the right timing. Not being the only one in the same predicament makes a difference.

  3. Teri Case on December 15, 2015 at 5:00 pm

    Thank you. Perfect timing as I work through my goals for 2016 and accept that I can make goals, I can establish measures, and I can identify actions but I can’t force the outcome 🙂

    • Lorraine on December 17, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      Outcomes do have a voice of their own. Leaving some room for the unexpected to show up can lead to some incredible twists we’d never have thought of as well as finding ourselves in the realm of beyond imagination.

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