No Clarity

Lorraine spins around between options on child's toy

I made it out.

Out of the crazy whirlwind of indecision, that is.

The last few months, capped off by two crazy weeks, was taking a heavy toll.


We’ve been looking at acreages (again) and waffling between three potential properties.

It felt a bit like Goldilocks.

This one was over-priced.

That one was too small.

And this one logically should have been just right.


Listing all the pros and cons of each proved them to even out in the end.

No clear winner on paper.

None jumped out as a “must have at all cost.”

Nothing screamed “run away as fast as you can.”

All could be made to work.


Most frustrating of all, I had zero inklings of which direction to head.

Other than spinning around and around.

Usually I have a feeling of some sort.

There was nothing.


Finally, an inspired question arrived.

“Which one do you want to hear ‘no’ first from?”



What kind of crazy question is that?

Shouldn’t I be asking which one I wanted to hear ‘yes’ from first?

Apparently not.


Because in all reality, the one I wanted most was terribly over-priced for the market.

And needed a serious 5 digits-after-the-dollar-sign “upgrade” to deal with moisture issues in the basement.

Put that on top of the asking price and the property would become grotesquely over-priced.

But I needed to hear ‘no’ to move on without regrets.

And ‘no’ to our offer I did hear.


One down, two to go.


Removing one from the equation didn’t make deciding any easier.

Added to the mix now was a tight funding deadline to retain a great interest rate.

Possible to do, but a decision had to be made immediately on which one of the two.


I busied myself with booking tentative appointments for all the necessary inspections.

Address to be determined.

Everything was in place and ready to go, except decide which one.


Here we are again stuck going in circles trying to decide.

Where is the clarity so we can move forward?


The Question returns.

“Which one do you want to hear ‘no’ first from?”

Surprisingly, an answer started to become clear –

the one that should have been just right.

Even though is was dancing around as third place, let’s go for it.


While this was also asking over-market price, we were well prepared with comparables.

We stuck to our guns.

Their final position and our final position couldn’t find a way to meet.

They let the deal expire.


How was this making any sense?

We didn’t feel disappointed.

This was supposed to the right one.

Slowing down, letting go the great interest rate, and moving onwards to the third property felt like a good way forward.

Had the best sleep in many, many weeks.


Two days later we get a call.


The sellers will accept our offer if we want to go ahead.

While saying we’d think about it, all of a sudden I’m checking on inspection availability.

It doesn’t feel wrong, but it doesn’t feel right.

Keep going.

Put in the new offer with the old price.

Keep going.

Ignore the sleepless night.

Keep going.

The next morning, with 90 minutes left until the offer expires, we’ve still heard nothing.


The realtor checks email again and the counter-offer appears.

Sent the night before.



You know the joke about the man warned of the coming hurricane?

He rejects evacuation, then rescue by boat, followed with rescue by helicopter, all the while waiting for a sign.

He perishes, stands at the Pearly Gates, and asks “why didn’t you send me a sign?”

The reply is “You were told to evacuate, sent a boat and a helicopter. What more do you want?”


Now with 20 minutes left before the counter-offer expires,

we took a deep breath,

and said no.


What the heckola is going on here.

Weren’t we supposed to hear ‘no’ so we could move on?

No regrets.

Like the first place.



Within a couple of hours, the clarity was pouring through.


This ‘no’ was all about getting clear on what we wanted.

What we couldn’t articulate before.

Each small step of the process gave us a new perspective to work from.

Even if it felt like we were no further ahead.


I’ll leave the plethora of insights for another day.

What stands out are the expectations around how messages and clarity should appear.

Or not.


Wanting an easy to recognize sign, doesn’t mean it will be.

Assuming the same message has the same meaning, doesn’t make it so.

Clarity doesn’t always, (more likely, rarely) come all at once.

Hearing nothing doesn’t mean there isn’t something deeper going on.

There is.

Sometimes the crazy whirlwind path is the fastest and clearest way of knowing ourselves better.

And in ways we wouldn’t have otherwise.

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Not quite a crazy cat lady (yet?) – Lorraine’s insatiable curiosity of life leads her to explore, question and push beyond the box. A self-professed “left-brained creative big picture idea” type, she has an intuitive knack for seeing possibility everywhere and in everyone, and is a moth-to-flame for being part of making that possibility come true.

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