I thought the weekend sucked after being consumed with debugging techie problems.
Getting software to work the way you envision doesn’t always mesh with reality.
Then along came a reminder of what sucks really means.
The hit-me-with-a-2×4-total-body-slam-how-can-I-numb-this-feeling kind of sucks.
Late Sunday afternoon I learned of a small town a couple hours away where cat after cat was found poisoned to death.
The heightened sensation of prickly shock remained the rest of the night.
Techie issues tumbled to their proper place far down the “Important Things in Life” list.
My heart ached for the woman who works tirelessly caring for these cats in this town when few others do.
And for all the others in the world of rescue who on a daily basis put the well being of animals ahead of what must be a natural instinct to protect themselves.
A lot of nasty things happen in this world.
As does copious amounts more of good.
A jumble of thoughts presented themselves over the course of the evening.
You can try, but you can’t hide from Life.
Staying at arm’s length, just far enough back to protect yourself, doesn’t work.
Well, it does if your intent is to really not get what you truly desire.
Passion should come with a warning label.
The highs and rush we want to feel from following a passion,
also exposes us to feeling the crappiest of lows.
Passion is not immune to crap.
Crappy feelings tell us a lot about what we care deeply about.
Learn from them instead of pushing them away.
What gets us through the crap – because you aren’t going to avoid it or tipsy-toe around – is that something bigger than ourselves.
Life isn’t about me.
It’s about being here and showing up for you,
and all of us.
Doesn’t have to be huge, fireworks-in-the-sky grandiose.
A smile, kind touch, being present and listening or looking another in the eye can move mountains.
Passions we try to deny and avoid are callings.
They poke, prod, nag and generally stalk us until we listen.
Callings don’t always make sense – to us, but they do have a sense of being right.
They aren’t flashy,
feel more like a sustained deeper sense of is-ness than a constant rush or a high,
typically come with a lot of hard work and inner growth,
force you to connect instead of protect,
and keep going when you want to give up,
and oh yes,
they aren’t about you.
But, dang they are rewarding in ways we could never imagine.
Choices are powerful.
They are a direct expression of who we are.
We don’t choose nearly often enough.
Truly choose, instead of allowing not choosing to determine the path ahead.
We also don’t choose again nearly enough,
either to restate who we are or
to reflect a different who we’ve become.
Choices are only set in stone until you choose again.
Choose every day to express not who you were, but who you are right now.
What then to make of this all?
Techie problems suck to the degree I allow them to.
Yup, they’re problems.
But I’m the one who gives it meaning and significance … and energy beyond that.
There is no making sense in my world of the actions taken against the cats.
There was sense in the person’s mind, but not mine.
Instead of railing against the perpetrator to deal with the anger, I choose again to look forward,
and direct the energy towards an even deeper conviction for more directly supporting cats and raising awareness.
I worry about having the inner strength to deal with such heart wrenching pain there is no doubt will be faced.
Cats are a passion.
Becoming a hermit with a house full of cats would be sheer heaven.
This whole advocating for cats is a calling that pokes and prods, and scares the crap out of me.
It’s not going away anytime soon.
Being comfortable talking about it now is turning into taking the first steps of action.
Not a co-incidence becoming aware of this tragedy came on the same weekend intentions to work on the Seela’s Wish website was thwarted by tech.
Continue or avoid longer.
Noticeably absent from the list was abandon altogether.
Ahh, that’s where answers to questions of inner strength come from.
The hurt sucks. Big time.
The pain comes as part of the territory moving closer than arm’s length and caring so deeply.
The heart will hold together.
They’re stronger than we think.
Where I will break, however, is in not following the call.
Not daring to show up.
Playing Life safe instead of finding safety in playing with Life.
That pain I can – and will – avoid.
I’ll trust in the calling will carry me through the tough times,
because there is no reason not to trust in something greater than myself.